Well basically I don't know why I should have this feelings.Why I should be sad and feeling unease. Things had already past. I should have get this stupid thingy out of my mind but still I'm stuck in a whole mess.. Papersheet -,-!
I feel like there's a huge hole left deep down inside my heart due to the wound of the brokenhearted..I've been keeping this to myself for months and now I think I just have to spill the beans.I mean I just can't go around and tell everyone about what I feel. I don't want people to give me that pathetic look or even give a thought 'oh this girl is so unlucky that she ended up being dumped by a guy whom she like for about several years'..I don't want people to look down at me thinking that I'm a whole-lonely girl who's been like extremely in love with a guy who's completely in love with some other girl. It's just a shit feelings you know..
Now lemme tell you a story.Once upon a time there was a girl who fell in love with a guy.She was completely head over heels in love with this guy. She began to know him when she was fourteen and while waiting for her dad to pick her up from school..At the what we called 'waiting-station' was where she met him for the very first time.The met triggered a spark to her heart and she knew it,this must be her first love..Since that day, she started to steal a glance at him whenever she saw him around the school compound.Because she was just too excited to discover her first love that she told it to almost all her friends. She felt so happy that they just gave her a very warm support when they know about her first love story..
Then her friends started to suggest for her to let him knows about her feelings..They told her that he might return her feelings if she let him knows. So sapeah ni pun tak pikir panjang kann.. She thought that it's a very brilliant idea...She thought that someday this particular guy would actually return the feelings.She thought that by letting him knows would actually be a beginning of her love journey But she was so stupid back then.She believed her friends' words too much..She was too eager to let him knows.She didn't think twice before she took the decision that at the end,she actually pay a very high price for her 'deeds'.
She was a girl with confidence back then..But now everything's just fall into pieces.She's no longer holds that confidence..When she learnt the fact that the guy she fancied for almost two years was actually wooing one of her friends,when she knew the truth that the guy never had any interest in knowing her, that all of this while,she's just being syok sendiri.. her world became suddenly upside down.She lost in her own daydream. And the worst,her confidence is also being washed away together with her first love.Her first love is the reason of her undoing.
Now she's just a girl who live a fake life..She can't be her anymore longer..She walks with no smile on her face.She shows no emotions when she's out into the public.She becomes totally a cold person out there..No emotions no smile..She refrain herself from falling in love with any guy out there because she doesn't want to end up crying again..She scared that if she fall in love again, that guy might end up pick other girl instead of her, leaving her crying to herself,brokenhearted once again..There's just too much that time cannot erase.. She's not living a fake life for fun but in fact it's just one of her way to defense her heart from hurting again.. She's just protecting her heart and her feelings.
Whatever situation she's in,she will always be the one who ended up frustrated,deeply wounded and crying to herself in the middle of the night when she learnt the truth that she's never an option. She rather be fake for the whole of her life than gamble her heart once again to the wrong person.
THE END
p/s : Okay shameful confession but at least I've already cleared my heart with things that I've been keeping deep down in my heart..Wound heal but scar remains.
