Fear Of Men.But I'm still in the middle and havent reach the critical stage yet.I've been fightin so hard lately to overcome this problem.God,I didnt know why I need to go through all this stupid things.It's kinda likee killing me.
Sumpah aku cakap,aku cepat cuak bila berhadapan dgn lelaki and then I'll start behave like an idiot. Startlah aku nk jadi minah kelibut.Duduk pun x tentu hala.When there is like a group of guys at a place,lagi la aku cepat panic.
Quite shame to figure out this matter.I'll try to act cool but at last it will turn out to be a fool act. Shameful betul.Eventhough neither that guy nor those guys were staring at me yet I still couldn't stop from feeling nervous.haihh -,-.
Entahlah,sampai bila I can get over this problem.Just now I went to the shop nearby,gahh budak tu dah berpangkat adik dah pun pada aku.He's just 14 ok.And lemme state that I have no interest in a guy who is wayy younger than me.Just not my type.Tapi kenapa aku still jugak cuak time aku bayar dekat kaunter.
I can't even lift up my face to look at him.Sampai nak cari duit pun dah kelibut.Padahal budak tu bukan buad apa pun.I knew my mom noticed bout my change but she just act like nothing happen.Tapi I'm quite shy when she suddenly said, 'Tapaalah,nanti bukan nak jumpa dah pun budak tu.Dah nak start sekolah dah pun'
I was kinda likee 'erk'. Frankly speaking,I have some kind of bad attitude.Bila aku malu or blushing then I'll start talking bad about that guy to cover my nervous feeling.I know,I shouldn't have did that way.But I don't wanna people to figure out bout my weakness.
I'm not being cheeky or gedik,but that the fact that I couldn't deny.I would strive hard to avoid myself from encounters the guys.Apatah lagi kalau pergi mana-mana kedai,dapat pulak cashier dia lelaki hensem or yg pattern jenis angkat satu geng buad tempat lepak ahh lagi laa aku tanak pegi.Macam nak tercabut jantung aku time langkah masuk kedai tu.
Sebab tu sekarang,wherever I go,I'll control everything about myself.Aku jalan catwalk,angkat muka macam orang sombong,cakap pun control.Pendek kata aku memang minah bajet laa kat luar sana. I'm not doing that for fame jauh sekali nak pancing mamat-mamat kat luar sana sebab aku sedar siapa diri aku. It just the only way I can gain my confidence to walk among the public.
So please don't get me wrong.Aku bukan perasan cun or what tapi aku fobia.Aku sebolehnya nak elak semua tu because I dont wanna fool myself in-front of the public.Serik -,-.
