Hmphh I guess today, I should make out some revelation.Actually I want to talk about something sort of like the-most-shameful-revelation-of-me.hee.People said you shouldn't be too open about yourself.People could take total advantage of you.But it seems doesn't matter to me.I know myself better kann.
Okay stop babbling.Haha..Each of us,we've got our own weaknesses kan.So I am..
Okay being frank :-
- I'm an anthropophobia means fear of people and society.I'm feeling like bloody awkward bila jalan dekat public.Kau rasa macam semua orang duk usha kau.Mengutuk kau.Padahal orang tak cakap apa pun..It's just my feelings. Benda ni jugak laa yang menyusahkan aku bila aku perlu nak berurusan dengan anybody especially urusan rasmi. Susah ohh.Bila aku dah nervous then I'll start to ask some bloody stupid questions.Macam last day aku pergi amek test computer untuk driving license.Usually aku pergi dengan mama aku untuk sebarang urusan rasmi but on that day mama cakap. 'You are now a grown up girl.So learn to do it by yourself'..Bila mama dah kata macam tu,perut aku dah macam nak terburai dah and hell nervous punya pasal, kau tau aku tanya apa? 'Bang,buat test computer kat sini ka'..*bunyi cengkerik*...I just spoiled it up.Dah memang sah-sah orang pergi situ nak buat test computer yang kau pegi tanya lagi tu buat apa? See aku dah cakap...Aku memang jenis cepat gabra punya orang.
- I'm not really confident in myself when I'm having a conversation with others.Pernah tak korang cakap then korang rasa macam 'eh,orang ni mesti bosan kan cakap dengan aku'.I'm putting like so much effort on it okay..
- Ni lagi satu hal,I'm a completely telephonophobia.Seriously chronic punya phobia laa.Korang boleh bayang tak,kalau ada call masuk phone aku,aku akan fikir like two to three times whether to pick it up or not even orang tu kadang-kadang someone yang aku kenal. Aku hanya boleh pick up the phone instantaneously bila mama,daddy and abang aku ja yang call.weirdo me.Aku tak boleh nak imagine macam mana if someday I have a boyfriend -,-.Actually bukan apa,aku bukan jenis orang yang relax. Bila otp ja I'm stiffen.Tak tau nak cakap apa.Sometimes bila masalah sound trouble aku datang, I'd be like haa?apadia kau cakap?..
- Aku bukan lah seorang yang yakin pada diri aku.Bila cakap kat orang aku pandai.Have faith in yourself.Be yourself tapi when it comes to me.Aku macam err...Sorry I just can't be myself. FYI,aku kalau kt dalam public I'm totally not really me.Kenapakah? Sebab bila dalam crowd I'm totally a fake. Get dressed up, do a kitty-walk and fake your face..I won't smile even a bit.Completely a mess right. Yeahh shameful me.Orang mesti macam what's up dengan perempuan ni but hello aku takut okay. That's the only way to boost up my confidence level.
Sebab tu laa aku request for a boyfriend yang boleh kenal aku dan faham aku in and out.Frankly selama 18 tahun aku hidup ni,I've never had the experience of being in love with someone.But falling in love tu dah banyak kali la tp aku jea la yang duk terjatuh.Orang tu steady ja.Sikit pun tak get affected.haha.Okay not really a big stuff. It doesn't really matter kan. In fact,you can't expect when you are going to be in love.
Another fact is I don't really like to be bound to any commitment.It's just troublesome.Sebab sampai sekarang I still couldn't free myself from this one bloody statement which is :
Guys are just all the same.Pantang nampak perempuan cantik.
Well aku tak boleh completely nak blame the guys.We girls we are also the same.But we're just happened to be more faith and loyal when we're in relationship. :)
So,I'm really looking forward to a guy yang boleh accept segala kelemahan aku. Dia boleh terima that I'm not that pretty as Fazura or ada dimples macam Wawa Zainal or having kulit putih melepak like Adira..I don't even have the skinny figure like Hanis Zalikha.I'm short not tall.5ft 1inch.Is that clear? Kita selalu dengar,lelaki suka dengan perempuan yang yakin dengan diri dia sendiri.But sorry to say that kind of girl just not happened to be me.
I want a guy that would say 'It's okay.To me,you're just perfect the way you are'..tapi adakah lelaki seperti itu? masih wujudkah? entahlahh
p/s : I may be not that perfect but at least I'm not a fake.Instead, I'm tryin to be the best of me :)
p/s : I may be not that perfect but at least I'm not a fake.Instead, I'm tryin to be the best of me :)
